Monday, November 23, 2009

Men vs. Women, Part 9

As Mary said in the movie Hancock, "call me crazy. . . one more time."

What does every man, without fail, say about any one of his exes? "She was crazy." In fact, someone just yesterday said I've lost my mind. Have I? Of course not. Was I even angry with him? A little, but I was more hurt and flabbergasted that we'd had a conversation a mere two hours earlier. . . and because he wanted to do what he wanted to do, caring about whether or not I could take care of things didn't matter to him. I didn't even yell at him; I cried. But sure enough, I've lost my mind, at least in his pea brain.

Have you ever listened to men tell stories about an ex and ever wondered if she really was crazy? Or did he make her that way? It's easy for people to listen to what our friends tell us about the person aggravating us and for us to take sides. But often, I listen to my guys and my cousins and my brother talk about how crazy so-and-so was, and I've thought, "What the hell did you do to her to make her act that way?"

I have theories on this, so men, this one's for you. Sit down, shut up and hang on for the ride.

As men, certain things are expected of you. Your role in society isn't that difficult. We expect you to support the family. We expect you to fart, scratch your balls, stare at the waitress' ass, belch in public, watch nothing but ESPN for the entire year, sit on your dead butt and play video games while we do all the housework and parenting and everything else, go out and get drunk with the boys, go to strip clubs, pee on the toilet seat and/or the bathroom rug, have no manners, etc. These days we don't even expect you to be able to maintain the cars or the house because those skills went out the window for most "men" about the same time my daddy turned 21. Your mothers have pampered you until we're lucky if you can hold a job, but that's another issue. We expect you to be inattentive to us and the kids. We expect you to "forget" our birthdays, anniversarys, etc. We expect you to treat us like dirt in front of your friends.

As women, our role in society is, at the very least, ten times more difficult. Back in the Leave it to Beaver days, Mrs. Cleaver took care of Ward, Wally & Beav, the house, all the grocery shopping, all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, clothes shopping, charity work, errands, etc., all in a dress, heels and hose. Most of you gents haven't ever worn those three items, but let me assure you, it isn't comfortable.

Now, not only are we expected to do all of the above, we now also work full-time, make sure all the bills are paid, take off work when our babies are sick, take them to the doctor, and do 98% of the parenting, including discipline, we do all the Christmas/birthday shopping, even for your family, and let's be honest, we don't like every member of your family, and we're supposed to do this with a big fat smile on our faces, while you guys sit around and do whatever you feel like doing and screw up another generation of boys by leading them to believe it's okay for you to be selfish assholes because someone is always going to come behind you and clean up your mess after you have a tantrum. And let's not forget that thanks to Xbox, we now get to do ALL the work in our relationships, too. Or at least we try, but remember, you aren't listening.

So guess what happens? We get more and more and more fed up with you until we start screaming. And how do you react? "Whoa. . . stop acting crazy!" And just like Mary said, all we can think is: call me crazy. . .One. More. Time. And I'll show you crazy, you jerk.

The truth is that we aren't crazy in the slightest. There is not one single thing wrong with getting mad. You push us and push us and push us some more until we hit the ceiling and yell and slam doors (there is something SO satisfying about slamming a door) and cry. Just like you, we can only handle so much. The difference is that we tolerate a lot -- A LOT -- more BS than you ever will because while you're blowing off steam with a first person shooter game for 17 hours straight, we're pulling the weight for the entire family. And while we're pulling our weight and yours, instead of being showered with love, attention and having you thank us for our hard work, at the end of the day, when we can't take your BS, your mother's BS, your friends' BS, you just call us crazy.

Thanks, guys.


  1. Hmm well that about sums it up...Unless you want to add the part about obsessivness that will always make you crazy...we wont mention a certain boys name whom got punched in the face by a lovely

  2. We should just stop calling ourselves his wife...his girlfriend...his woman...the truth is we could just adopt one term that refers to all of us collectively...his DOORMAT. Amen Amy. Amen.

  3. yeah, I can definately say that having that many responsibilities would drive a person to breaking point fairly quickly....

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  5. see....i'm gonna take the men's side ( but of course).. but what about us guys that do help out around the house.. with the kids.. with the shopping... your not giving us any credit.. I'm not gonna sit here and say I'm perfect by any means.... I like to sit and play video games.. and yes I could help out more. but I do help.. sometimes I wish I could help more... but still no credit. Your making all men sound bad.. not all of us are bad... I can name many men who do their part in their families, but just cause there are men out there that don't live up to your expectations don't make all of us out to be assholes.. and as for being crazy... we are all crazy in our own way.. not one person is sane.. because no two people are the same, and everyone has their own personalities... hell i'm the craziest person I know.... but you know what, we are who we are. no two men are the same.. and before a woman should get involved with us, make sure you know what kind of person we are. And if you don't think you can love us for who or what we are then just walk away.... don't think that you can change us.. and i'm not saying that change is bad.. hell i've been married for 11 years and i'm nowhere near the same person i was back then.. but we both changed together.. for the better... because we BOTH wanted to work on it and change.. most men can't change and won't. They like who they are and if you can't love them for THOSE qualities then I'm sorry just become a lesbian (HA HA HA). but seriously.. we deserve a little credit.. and I'm sorry if I offend anyone... but we deal with alot more than you know week out of the month most of you turn into monsters... do you think that is fun for us.. or when your pregnant.. yes your the one going through the worst parts of it, But we are the ones there to hold your hand at the doctors... or your hair over the toilet ( well thats either pregnant of drunk, take your pick) we make sure you have the food you want. and usually without a thank you... we put up with alot also... we all ( both men and women) really need to stop playing games... most of us are adults we're not in high school anymore.. its time to grow up. If I upset anyone that was not my intentions. I just feel like its time someone stuck up for the guys that do give a shit cause we are not all assholes. I am a husband of 11 years and a father of 3 children and i'm not afraid to give my opinion!

  6. Beau Harkey. Go back to the very first blog and read them all. I said in the beginning this isn't applicable to all men or to all women. And if you go back to the beginning, you will see this is equal opportunity baby! We all get called out in this blog. And I agree with you on the change thing. Everyone changes. Some change for the better; some change for the worse. If your spouse changes for the worse, and refuses to work on it, then you are at a crossroads. Some of us leave not with divorce in mind but to get away from the situation so as not to end up with homicide charges. . . and in my relationship, it was The Worst Thing I could have ever done. Hindsight is 20/20. And I do believe I just told you like an hour ago that you are a good dad and husband so hush up!

  7. who ever b_Harkeyoo is, has a GOOD head on his shoulder.

    Ok Girls listen up!!! You can not be a Doormat unless you allow someone to walk all over you.It is your choice..

    If they can't love and respect you then they can hit the road Jack. However, that works both ways.

    We don't demand Respect we earn it. All of us!!!
    No exceptions.

    As far as Women doing more in a relationship than men, HELLO!!! This is NOT new girls....

    I know very well you saw your Mother, GrandMother, Aunts etc. Do alot of hard work, jobs, kids, meals, laundry etc. and then some....

    Doesn't mean it has to be this way, but you have to be the one who changes the situation or out come.

    Know the Man you are about to Marry!!!! I mean truly know him, his family and their values. If you don't investigate and you just marry him cause you LOVE him, your fault... Think outside the heart box, PLEASE!!!

    I raised two boys, a brother, a Dad, and five nephews..... Leave their crap, clothes, toys etc. in a pile or buy a brand new trash can, and if they leave it all over the house, throw all things even dirty ashtrays in this bright shiny new trash can. When they need or want it there it will be. Believe you me they will get the message. You are NOT their Momma and don't want to be!!! So quit complaining and start doing!!! Actions speak louder than words and then they can't say you are Nagging, now can they??!!!!

    It is worth a try, it worked for me, but I knew my guy was a good one when I married him. I didn't say without faults, I said a Good one, a Keeper... So you decide. The power is within you.

    I too am NOT afraid to express my opinion.