Men vs. Women, Part 1

Several weeks ago, I asked my friends (male and female) to tell me what it is that drives them insane about the opposite sex. One guy and girl said they had no complaints as he loves women and she loves men (suck ups). However, I got lots of great insight into men vs. women and thought I would write about it. I'll write about issues that go hand in hand from both perspectives.

Today's lesson will be the number one biggest complaint men have about women: me time. Men need me time. Whether it's surfing the 'net, playing video games, drinking it up with their buddies, whatever. They need time to be by themselves. And not once every six months, either. There needs to be time for them to get away from the house, the responsiblities, the kids and go act like a fool with their equally foolish friends. And you know what, ladies? That's okay. For those of you that are convinced your husband/boyfriend/whatever should be glued to your side at all times, this is especially for you. Neediness is not sexy. Just because he is DYING to go watch some WWE thing (which most women find asinine) and wants to do it without you does not mean he doesn't love you. Frankly, this is a gift in itself. Brad and James often order PPV wrestling things -- and unless I have to pay for it, who cares? At least I'm not expected to watch it!

I have to admit that I grew to DESPISE the role playing games my husband is involved in. In one way, it is because I don't like some of the people (Brandon Carter, anyone? Ugh). In another way, it is because I think they are grown men and D&D (and the like) are for teenagers with horrid acne and thick glasses and pocket protectors. I also couldn't stand having loud and disrespectful men whooping and hollering from 6:30 until 2 a.m. two nights a week (I have a day job, people, and I need sleep.) In the end, I made him (yes, MADE him) quit because I was pregnant and overwhelmed and terrified I was going to be a horrible mother and I knew I needed him to be there with me at night, because, at the time, he could soothe me in less than thirty seconds.

That being said, he is now playing again. Granted, he started after we separated. And granted, it still sets my teeth on edge (and pissed me off in the beginning). But when we sat down to try and make our marriage work, one of the first things I said to him is that I wanted him to keep gaming. (I'm pretty sure his mouth fell open.) And I meant that. The game runs more reasonable hours now (they stop between 10 and 11 is my understanding), I know he missed it, I know he missed his friends, and most importantly, I now know women need that me time just as much. Here is how I learned that.

After we separated, we agreed on a visitation schedule. Brad has Peanut every Wednesday night. My "group" (Matty, Melissa, Tiffany, Leslie, Owen, and now Kael, Matthew and Jackie) started meeting up for happy hour. We don't do it every week, usually, and we throw in other people just for fun sometimes, but you can pretty much count on seeing us at Hudson's a couple of times a month for happy hour Wednesday. I hadn't realized how much I needed that time to just BE with my friends. It is a tough, tough job to be at work 9+ hours each day, in the very high stress career I've chosen, then pick up the baby, make dinner, bathe baby and put him to bed, clean the kitchen, do the laundry, pay all the bills, do all the errands, etc. I took care of the majority of the household responsibilities. By the way, being forced to do it all will PISS a woman off, but that's another blog. I didn't realize how much I needed to be WITH my friends and away from the house. Sure, I talk to everyone via text and e-mail, all day every day, which I thought was enough. It isn't. It isn't even close.

So women, listen up. A man needs his time to just be a dude. Give him a night once a week or every other week where he can just do whatever the hell he wants to do without worrying about you being mad (exceptions to the "whatever the hell he wants to do" are sleeping with someone else, committing a crime and going to jail, not coming home at all). No curfews, no permission slips -- just let the man go. If he rolls in at 4 a.m. on a Wednesday when you both have to be at work, then sure, you can get pissed then. But 4 a.m. on a weekend just means they went to IHop after they closed down the bar. And don't check in with them incessantly. MY GOD, that is annoying. A now former friend of mine (one of the ones that got cut in the upgrade) used to text her husband 3450789234508927345 times on his poker nights. He'd stop answering, and she would get pissed.

And also, ladies, you HAVE to take time for yourselves. It is is unhealthy for you to be up your man's ass at all times. Yes, yes, I know you love him and he is The Greatest Thing to EVER happen to you, but you still have to be an individual not just you + him. We are individuals AND part of a couple. You have to keep both for your own sanity. And trust me, you are not always going to think he is The Greatest Thing Ever. He's going to get on your last nerve, he's going to let his true colors shine, whatever, and you're going to regret that you basically lost touch with your friends. Whatever you do, don't turn your back on those people who know you and love you anyway.

Also, this is semi-related to the subject at hand - just because you are in a relationship does not mean you are only allowed to spend time with others in similar romantic situations. You still have single friends. While it is fun to double date or have couple game nights, don't exclude your single friends always like it's a punishment for having the audacity to be single. A year from now, you're going to occasionally be jealous because your single friend isn't having to pick up someone's underwear.

Now it's your turn, men. A woman needs time with her friends. Hell, you might not even like her friends. This is a win as if she is out with them while you hold down the fort, you don't have to spend time with them, too. That being said, some of us (definitely me) are afraid to go out leaving you at home alone. You want to know why? Because all the things that need to be done in the house every single day won't get done if we aren't there to do it. And one day shouldn't hurt, but for reasons I will discuss in a later blog, it does. So to get her prepared to actually do things once a week or so, you have to step up and prove that you are capable and willing to make dinner, bathe the kids, do the laundry, pick up your socks, etc. The absolute worst thing you can do is make a huge mess while you are sitting on your ass playing xBox. In short, it's a give-give situation. She gives you your weekly poker night with the boys; you give her a night out and take care of business instead of acting like it's your second free night. What do you think she'd doing when you're out? I assure you that the laundry does not wash, dry, fold and put itself away.

More later.