Men vs. Women, Part Three

I realize I said the next episode would be about sex, but a comment recently posted on my first blog enticed me to change my mind. Danny said: "It's what typically goes UNsaid in relationships that hurts them the most. This is something that should always be said early, and adhered to. If someone changes their mind halfway in, then they either didn't give a shit about you before, and they do now... or vice versa. Either one is deceptive, and deception in a relationship is always wrong. Being wrong is okay, but being misleading is not. Nice work, Amy..."

This blog will be about deception.

Ladies and gentlemen, pretending to be someone you aren't in order to keep someone interested in you is BEYOND screwed up. Do you have such little self-esteem that you cannot comprehend someone could love you knowing all your flaws? Or is it some sort of power trip, knowing that you can completely con another person into loving you with all they have?

Women. You play this foolish game all the time. You find out a man likes football. What do you do? You pretend you like the game. You buy jerseys, t-shirts, etc., all of his favorite team. Now he thinks OMG, how cool is she? But you aren't cool. You're just playing a mind game, trying to get him to like you, based on deception and lies. And you expect a relationship built on this to actually work? WTH is wrong with you??

Frankly, the women who do that absolutely disgust me. I *do* love football. Do not be blasphemous about my game. And while I never cheered for the Bears before I met my ex, I'm pretty impartial about pro ball (other than the Broncos). It wasn't a stretch for me to cheer for a team whose line up is made up of a ton of former Sooners. I'll probably still cheer for the Bears, to be honest. But at least I love the game and never used the Bears as some sort of jacked up leverage to make him like me more. Personally, I know I am fabulous just like I am. If you don't like me, too bad for you.

Here's another thing: sex on the first date. WTH. You barely know the man. Granted, you can live with someone for two years, and still not know who the hell he is, but at least there's some sort of relationship there. There are so many reasons you shouldn't do it on the first date:


1. He ain't taking you home to Momma since you're a slut.
2. You start the relationship off, making it about sex. Relationships based solely on sex will fail EVERY time. This is why booty calls don't work.
3. You have now become another notch in his belt, and don't think for a minute he isn't telling alllllll his guy friends about how he "banged" you first rattle out of the box.
4. You now have zero hope of remaining civil with each other when (not if, WHEN) your relationship goes south.

Men, you are just as bad. You pretend to be fantastic and wonderful, so we will fall for you, when you're really just dirty, rude, lazy, selfish slobs. Some women like that. Most don't. But rather than mislead someone, why don't you do something to change yourself? Being a slob is *not* part of your personality. EVERYONE can improve themselves. Everyone. Just because you have a penis doesn't mean you don't have to evolve as a person.

If you have no intention of showering daily and brushing your teeth regularly or wearing deodorant, how about you start off stinky? Don't start off smelling yummy and then turn into Yuckmouth with BO. If you have no intention of doing laundry and cooking and cleaning after yourself, don't start off doing it in the beginning. If you have no intention of being thoughtful and kind and selfless, don't pretend to be that way! Just be stinky and selfish and lazy from the beginning. At least that way we can make an informed choice. And if you discover no one wants to be with you, then examine YOURSELF. Not the women who have left you. Fix yourself and someone will want to be with you. Otherwise, just stay away from us. You only make yourself look like a complete jerk when you con someone. Eventually, you will have no one left.

Why must everyone play games? BE YOURSELF. Be who you are. Don't have your mother come clean your house so your new girlfriend doesn't know what a filthy slob you are. Don't hide the fact that you are a WoW junkie. Don't be kind and considerate if this isn't part of your nature. Be who you are.



I am cranky and moody. I have anger issues. I can hold a grudge from now until the end of time. I'm bossy, mean as a snake when cornered, and I have OCD. I want things my way, and my way only, end of story. I fart like a pack mule, I have a problem with tequila, I have a potty mouth, I smoke too much, etc. I am sure I have many other bad habits. Who doesn't? My point is, if you know me, then you already know these things. I'm not hiding my true self from anyone. There are very few people who actually understand me, and while that is tiring, who cares in the end? You all know who I am, the good and the bad. There's no sense in hiding yourself from others. It's going to come out eventually, and it's going to be ugly when it does. No one likes being deceived.

And, as Danny said, it's the things that are left unsaid in relationships that do the most harm. You are so busy trying to hide your true self from him or her, and trying to be someone you aren't, that all sorts of things are left unsaid. Talk about your expectations from each other. Talk about your goals in life. Talk about your stance on marriage, children, divorce, religion, politics, everything. Give yourselves the ability to make an INFORMED decision about each other and go from there. And by the way, families are important. Even if your family isn't a big part of your life, they're important, in one way or another.

Bottom line: stop lying to make yourself look good. It's immature and just wrong. Either be yourself or stay away from romantic relationships all together. And if who you really are is such a turn off to the opposite sex, there are books for that. Therapy also.

Next installment: may or may not be about sex. :)